So, something I realized from our textbook reading. I believe chapter 4, when speaking about Jesus, was the part of the chapter that focused on how people understand and process information. & how much of this is linked with storytelling. I still seek to spread awareness about the religious cult I grew up in. However, while, in many ways it is very healing to speak about it logically, to spread my knowledge not only on the group and its leaders, and have people come to an understanding for the way I grew up, I also come to realize that part of my story can be lost in trying to make it something generalized or digestible for everyone when it's simply not going to be the case, especially with something as heavy as the topic I go into. The netflix documentary, the media and news, and even the people themselves have already been told the story of what Nasson did. I realized so much of my anguish from my situation came from a lack of self expression. I realized that my story was not unique, that there is an entire community of people with similar stories, but only a few have told theirs. & while I hoped it would never be business to tell other people's stories, I realized I can do justice in many ways by simply telling my own or my families. I don't have to necessarily try to teach anybody anything, if they are more curious, they will seek and dive down the rabbit hole of how dark and twisted things truly were. But if not at the very least, they can know that this version of me existed and why she does not anymore. I'll come back to this.
I believe that the class resonated with me in my first intervention because I had kept it personal, I told my story from my perception, & from my lived experience. & I felt that I said too much, but that it truly did not chip at the iceberg of information i was choking back. How this all connects is at NJCU, I actually study Art therapy, and in very simple terms, I like to consider my major as a study of art and how it can aid humans psychologically. In psychology, we speak very often on all kinds of abuse and the trauma that results from it, the main being physical, verbal, sexual, psychological/emotional abuse. However, we also address other less known cases such as child abuse, domestic violence, substance abuse, neglect, institutional abuse, discriminatory abuse, financial abuse and more. Even then I notice, spiritual abuse, which is a sick hybridization of all of the above, is rarely mentioned, and yet oddly romanticized when cases manifest notoriously. To reiterate, the abuse one faces in a cult is usually a mixture of all of the above abuses, from not only one or multiple spiritual leaders with authority, but from your entire community that you seek for safety, stability, happiness and so much more. People do not speak often enough anymore about their lack of connection to their community, which is also causing a lack of connection to themselves. We are parts of a whole and when we lose our places in society, or when we suffer greatly from the hands of our own community, we are left being only part of our whole self. The youth especially, needs guidance and acceptance from their community, and we hurt not only ourselves, but our future when we fail our children. Because of this, I am starting to tell the more personal parts of my own story, as a way to start the conversation again in my community and build something new from the shared experience.
I wanted to create a zine after learning about what they were, as a place where I document my experience not only growing up but also the process of leaving the cult. I was inspired by multiple sources. Emily from our class for describing it, which inspired me to look deeper into it, as well as Brattyxbre on youtube and instagram when I looked into it. I also realized that I had done something a little similar in one of my art therapy classes without even realizing it and felt that I should try again or even produce a little collection on the topics I could go into. What I’m left with right now is trying to articulate the story I’m trying to tell, essentially which parts should be highlighted in it. In a collage for my art therapy class, I went into this. I wanted to draw inspiration from this and challenge myself to use more words as well as my own drawings in my rendition. I also would like to try to do it digitally or half digitally partially collage with digital drawings and access. I also would like to somehow share this, which is why I would like to somehow get it online, because the version I made previously is very fragile. In some kind of way, I would like to invite my community to take part in it, but I’m not sure how I would go about this. But, I was hoping that if I were to ever finish telling my own story, that I could begin to tell parts of some other people’s stories that I know if they are okay with it. For example, I have an aunt, whom I fell out of contact with, but she had also excommunicated with her daughter. I was hoping to find them and open up the conversation, but I don’t know if this is something I would be able to do successfully and is really just an idea or I could maybe have as a teaser on the last page that hints to something next. As for this zine, I wanted to touch up on the topics that I discussed in the storytelling of my collage titled “A bloody love note to the Universe”. Very much of the story telling is symbolic, which is why I was hoping to make it more specific the next time but it discusses practically all the above. Attached is the piece if interested.
*it posted backwards
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